Bump Yayson's RG...

M

Mystophales

Heavy Metal Jesus
I recently held a contest in which a Mr Yayson was one of the winners. He informed me that he had cheated by knowing my real name and that I should give his winnings to someone else. How he was able to guess where I was born by knowing my name I have no idea and it makes me think he is just another too generous BOTL! (Seems to be a lot of those around here...:D)

http://www.clubstogie.com/vb/showthread.php?t=130497

So I am going to do as he asked and give his 5er to a "unsuspecting kindhearted noob". Don't really know how I will find out if you are kindhearted or not but how is this...

Tell me your most outlandish good deed story (fake of course). Like saving a busload of orphans and nuns from a meteor...:r

Only rules are you must have been here less than 4 months and your story has to make me at least giggle. I realize that noobs usually don't have enough standing to hand out RG so I am asking some of the FOG's to give Mr.Yayson a little RG love...:tu

Mods I would have put this in the contest section but since it was only for 24 hours I was hoping to get more traffic by posting it here. If it is a problem you can go ahead and move it.
 
I got a PM from a new guy with a story...hopefully it is OK for me to post it here but this is the type of thing I had in mind....




This was back in the day when I was working as a plumber. I heard news about a princess that was in distress in a far away land. There were castles and crazy turtles and other creatures that would attack me.

Good thing I was a plumber too because part of my crazy adventure required me to go through strange systems of pipes under ground.

I remember I was really hungry throughout my little quest so I was really weak. If I wasn't careful any one of those vicious creatures could have killed me. If I got some mushrooms I grow bigger and stronger and can fight them better. These mushrooms really worked unlike that other herbal garbage being marketed on the internet. Double my size in 1 week my @$$. I'm still waiting for my refund btw but that's a whole other thread/story. Sometimes if I ate a flower I can throw fireballs. I'm pretty sure that was in my imagination though. There was probably something wrong with those flowers. Come on who can throw fireballs right? Well maybe Chuck Norris but he doesn't need fireballs because he has the round house kick. That's infinity times better than a fireball.

I remember I had to swim a great deal at some point too. What kind of crazy place has electric jellyfish and how come they never move? The fish and squid looks quite harmless but they are mean little bastards. I guess I was still in pretty good physical shape because I sure could hold my breath very long.

All in all it was a great adventure. The princess wasn't as fine as I thought she was though. If I had known that I would have stayed home and smoked a cigar but it was hard to tell from those pixellated pictures I had of her. It was alright because I think my brother Luigi liked her. I didn't come out empty handed though. There was a bunch of gold coins all over the place and I was able to stock my humidor pretty well.


Now I am not saying it has to be in great detail or it has to be a certain length just whatever crazy story or remark you can make...:tu
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Okay, I'll give this a shot. I must warn you, this is neither heartwarming or generous - it's just funny & I need an excuse to tell this story :D

Disclaimer: Bathroom humor to follow :BS

This was about 8 years back, I was out fairly late one night - probably 2am or so. I was at a friend's house helping him go over some documents and I was really tired because I had gotten up so early that day. So I put away like 3 or 4 pots of coffee over the course of the evening and polished off about 3 full-size bran muffins.

So it's about 2am or so and I'm heading home and there's no one on the road. As I begin to take my exit off the freeway, I start to get that "Uh oh" feeling accompanied by the visual of the scene in Dumb & Dumber where Harry Dunn tears into the bathroom to explode into the non-working toilet.

So then, like a ton of bricks, it hits me. Niagara falls in my gut. I'm on the verge of sh*tting my pants. This is full on, emergency-style, UH OH IM GOING TO SPRAY SH*T ALL OVER MYSELF!

So here I am holding it back as best as I can and am forced to STAND UP in the car, while driving, with my feet on the pedals. And I'm thinking, there better not be ANYBODY in my way -- and forget stop lights!

So I'm nearing one of the last intersections before I get off on my street which was only a few more miles down the road and BAM -- there's an accident in the middle of the street! There was no one around - NOBODY. This just happened. It's 2am, there's a fresh accident, some guy is laying in the street, and I'm about to SH*T MY PANTS!

And there's no way I'm going to get out of my car and help! How would I explain myself if I sh*t my pants when the medics arrived? So I try and gently swerve around the accident when I rolled down the window and shouted to the guy laying in the street, "I can't get out or I'll sh*t my pants, but I'll call someone for you when I get home!!" :r

I kept going and got home without "incident". :D

So anyways, didn't want to win anything - just needed an excuse to tell that! :ss
 
BillyCigars said:
"I can't get out or I'll sh*t my pants, but I'll call someone for you when I get home!!"
Click to expand...

Boy if I only I had a nickel everytime I had said that....wait....thats right I would only have a nickel...:r

That is without a doubt the best OMG I almost crapped myself story I have ever heard...:r
 
I got to thinking about it a little after I posted that and figured it was not my business to tell you what to do with your prize. You had after all offered only one prize to begin with so in the end I requested you double up.

Shameful.

ding me them if you must

Seriously though, no need for this thread unless it's show others what a thoughtful and generous guy you are your ownself.

I'm waiting for Trudy to come tell us to get a room
 
No worries brother! Just figured you were wanting to give a little to a noob and I have absolutely no problem with that either..:tu Was kind of hoping for a little better turn out but hey that's the way it goes sometimes.

Plus I figure you were the winner and have the right to do with the prize what you wish...:D
 
Mystophales said:
Was kind of hoping for a little better turn out but hey that's the way it goes sometimes
Click to expand...

With a thread title like this, good luck! :D PM me when you have a winner and we can hit em from both directions, I haven't clicked n shipped in weeks

Been doing some web work this evening, listening to grumpy Dave Mustaine all the while, think I'll hang it up for a quite stogie in the shed. Good evening.

BTW, never did hear what team you supported...
 
BillyCigars said:
There was no one around - NOBODY
Click to expand...

you could have emptied yourself in a nearby storm drain or something, you're a bad man

Hello me...meet the real me.
And my misfits way of life.
A dark black past is my
Most valued possession.
Hindsight is always 20-20,
But looking back its still a bit fuzzy.
Speak of mutually assured destruction?
Nice story...tell it to readers digest!!!

good stuff :D
 
yayson said:
With a thread title like this, good luck! :D PM me when you have a winner and we can hit em from both directions, I haven't clicked n shipped in weeks

Been doing some web work this evening, listening to grumpy Dave Mustaine all the while, think I'll hang it up for a quite stogie in the shed. Good evening.

BTW, never did hear what team you supported...
Click to expand...

Double hit on a newb sounds damn good to me! I will PM when I get a winner...:tu

Teams I support...

Soccer
Bayern Munich
Man U

Football
Minnesota Vikings (NFC)
Oakland Raiders (AFC)

Baseball
Chicago Cubs (NL)
Minnesota Twins (AL)

Hockey
LA Kings
Minnesota Wild
also been getting into watching the Pens...damn fun team to watch.

College Football
Oklahoma Sooners!!!! Need to get off their ass and actually win a damn bowl game...:mad:
 
yayson said:
you could have emptied yourself in a nearby storm drain or something, you're a bad man

Hello me...meet the real me.
And my misfits way of life.
A dark black past is my
Most valued possession.
Hindsight is always 20-20,
But looking back its still a bit fuzzy.
Speak of mutually assured destruction?
Nice story...tell it to readers digest!!!

good stuff :D
Click to expand...
Ok Now I am really glad I hit you with RG.Sweating Bullets is one of my favorite songs of all time.Megadeath rules.:tu
 
Two years ago on New Years Eve I went to Louisville with some friends. We went down to fourth street live and drank a whole lot like any NYE event should be for a 23 year old. My cousin is with me and gets in a fight with his fiance. He had bumped her in the head with his beer bottle and refused to apologize because it was an accident and he was drunk as hell. She is not pleased with his reaction and leaves. This is before the ball drops and they both leave pissed at each other. Two down and a few to go. The rest of us keep drinking and partying at some night club. We are heading to another bar and I get stopped by some lady. I do not remember what she looked like, but was informed that this is a good thing :confused:, appartently she looked pretty rough, tattoos and just trashy. I then proceeded to make out with her. I lose interest quickly and we move on to the next watering hole. So me and a friend walk in to a bar that I am later informed is a gay bar :hn and there I made out with a fat girl at the bar. So far this night is not going real well. Sometime around three I decide to walk back to the hotel. The only problem with this is that I do not know where I am going, and was by myself. I call my friend that I was with, trying to get directions, and he tells me to wait at the intersection I was at and he would pick me up. I continue walking. Now I am throughly lost and see some people standing on the corner. I ask one of them if they know where this certain hotel is, and she says I can give you a ride. I am throughly pleased with the offer and accept. I show up to the hotel in a prostitutes minivan. I walk in laughing my ass off about how I just got a ride home from a hooker.:D My friends were not laughing. They had been out looking for me and one of my buddies knocked out a homeless guy in some ally. Over all this is a new years that I do not think can ever be recreated, nor should it. We all had a good laugh the next morning once it was all over. :r:bn
 
BillyCigars said:
..... "I can't get out or I'll sh*t my pants, but I'll call someone for you when I get home!!" :r ...
Click to expand...

This is funny as ... well, $hit :rMAO


TheRealBonger said:
So me and a friend walk in to a bar that I am later informed is a gay bar :hn and there I made out with a fat girl at the bar.
Click to expand...


AAAHHHHHGGGGG! did she have an adam's apple?
:r

That reminds of that Hightimes movie, where the 2 guys are making out with a chick at a gay bar, and realize she wasn't a chick. They run out side yelling, screaming and trying to slap the disgust off them selves. Then they look at each other, look around shrug their shoulders and walk back inside ahhhgggg !.... nasty
 
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