The freedom to spend reasonably and the discipline to do so responsibly is the key. How much one spends is less important than that one have the ability to buy what is reasonably affordable to the family and has a reasonable handle on and equal share of making major decisions. If you have that, the family is on a good operating basis.
We've been married for thirty years and years ago my wife said she wanted her own checkbook. I was opposed to the idea because I thought running two sets of books would be a problem, so I suggested she take the checkbook and I'd ask her for dough when I wanted it. It's great! I don't have to balance a checkbook and she's the boss. She's a better, more conscientious money manager than I'll ever be, and anyway, I can always buy cigars using my credit card and ask for forgiveness later.
Women, the kind you want to marry anyway, are always going to be more
frugal than men are. Our needs are greater, and more easily justified because we're better at making up justifications:ss:ss