Clearly you have no idea why your suggestion was offensive so I'll be the BIGGER man and just walk away.
Bro, you are making friends right and left here. :dr If he wanted to be offensive he could have. He chose to be a bit sarcastic and subtly humerous. As a Young Chimp we will assume that you are not savvy to the ways of the jungle. We have all made suggestions for possible solutions to your problem, yet you have shot down every one.
The perfect solution may or may not exist, again good luck in your search.